Solo Travel: Dancing with the Devil

When we are honest on social media, people often point that you will have a good time, try do x, y, z. Social media often forces us, and in turn makes us only comfortable, with things that are often painted in a positive light.

This can be seen everywhere, how many times have you liked a picture of your friend with a baby, commented on it, or their adorable dog or travel adventure, but passed the friend who is hurting, or posting something that we deem as “negative.”

Honesty, vulnerability. These concepts make us uncomfortable. Although, we all claim to want honesty, vulnerability and GASP authenticity. But what if all those things, as a reader make you feel uncomfortable?

What if sharing them, as the writer, makes me feel uncomfortable too? The human experience is more than just a glossy picture book of your highlights. You can have an awful day and still have a good time. We are emotional centered creatures and sometimes, as I learned from a good friend today, you can’t rationalize away emotions. They are just that, emotions.

Has my experienced changed since my first post? Sure, but despite that I am leaning into the uncomfortable experience, it is still a less than ideal situation. And in that, you start to explore the inner psyche a little more.

I think this may be quicker than therapy. (I joke, I joke).

I’ve spent many evenings (except tonight, as I needed a break) going to a local pub called Ryan, named after a good friend. Drinking Guinness and enjoying the atmosphere. The place is a little more quiet and relaxed, and I like that. Also the bathrooms are really nice, which is always a plus. Seriously, nothing sucks more than drinking and having to use a shit bathroom.

This experience makes me laugh—I’ve dreamt of being a travel blogger, it often looks so wonderful and beautiful, full of positivity, exploration and spiritual change. What a load of horse maneur.

The nihilistic travel blogger. That would be my niche.

I’d throw a little glitter in.

 

Last night, at Ryan’s (as mentioned above), I had a delightful lengthy conversation with two Italian lovers and tourists. We talked about everything from travel to love to even *gasp* politics.

It was a joyous time and we drank heavily. Ate a shitty pizza and called it a night.

Today I awoke in a sour mood, my emotions heavy upon me, eyes heavy with tears. I took a two hour buss ride to an estate known as “Ardgillan Castle” (Hard G, d on’t make that mistake). It was gorgeous, the grounds were breathtaking and the gardens were such a great mix between efficiency, and design & the forest was a great mix between it being a food forest and one pleasant to the eye.

Basically goals.

As a child I watched “The Secret Garden” more times than I care to admit, and even now as an adult i find myself watching it at least once a  year.  It is such a joy.

 

Also, there was a dog friendly Cafe, so I got to pet a dog. That brightened my mood.

 

Tomorrow I am heading to Wicklow. I’ll update more then. I have to catch the bus at 9:15 am. not too early, but early enough to try and get some sleep. (Damn these pillows, damn them and my stiff neck #QueenProblems)

Please do not conclude that my misery is making this trip unbearable. If anything, it is opening my eyes to the shadows that hide in the light & the clarity they bring.

“Dancing with the devil, call it respect, call it fear. But we never allow the Devil to the party.”

Don’t worry he’s not coming home with me. He stays in Ireland.

 

Solo Travel: Day by Day Understanding

Could it be possible to be this miserable to be on a solo trip? I wonder if my mood will continue to go down south or if today will prove to be an extraordinary adventure.

Perhaps this is what travel blogs do not tell you, the reality and how terrible it actually is to travel alone. I should have brought gloves my fingers are cold.

I booked myself at a hostel thinking that there would be a plethora of fellow travelers who want to expand their friend group. What i found was that there were a town of travelers, do not get me wrong, but they all seem to be engaged in their own group that came along with them. They have no willingness to add to it—that I can accept.

It is strange though, when I am with a group I feel like we pick up “strays” all the time. “Come join us!” Tends to be our motto. Maybe it is my resting bitch face, or maybe, it is how this particular hostel is set up. I’ve heard it is more commercialized, and I see that, it doesn’t seem to encourage, particularly, group activities or has centers really where individuals can meet together.

I guess I could go on the pub crawl.

I’ve been so nauseous on this trip, I couldn’t imagine adding more to that.

I booked myself a private airbnb starting Wednesday. Thanks God. If I am going to be alone, I would like to be in the solitude of my own space. Match my surroundings to my mood.

I know i probably sound ungrateful, but I really don’t care. I spend too much of my time and life glossing everything over in a positive framework. To make everything seem okay.

Spending this much time alone in the city was a mistake. I know all of this will change once I’m in the countryside. I don’t mind road tripping alone, and i love the country. .

Cities make me so damn uncomfortable. All the people, cars, I get lost starring at graffiti and so disgusted by all the spitting and trash everywhere.

Hey, at least now i can stop romanticizing solo traveling. *silver lining* And that is a learning lesson for sure. Everything is better in life with your best friend and lover by your side.

I honestly know so little about myself (INFJ problems) this is probably a good experience. Healing. At least that is what my girlfriend tells me and she’s one of the most intuitive and interesting people I know. So, I am going to go with her words of advice.

Today I am going to try and head out to Howth. It’s a little seaside town on the outskirts of Dublin. It should take like an hour to get there by train/bus (not sure, have to google it again). I think getting out of the city and just using this space as a hub will be good for me. Actually I don’t know what will be good for me, so I am going to go try it. Plus I got this pass card that I can use unlimited for 72 hours so I probably should take advantage of that.

Alright, enough bitching for now. More later.

Introducing! SHE SPOKE CREATIVE, THE PODCAST

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Wow! How exciting! We are launching our first episode of She Spoke Creative, The Podcast.

What’s the goal with this podcast, you ask?

We hope that we can share insights and encourage female entrepreneurs to accomplish their goals in whatever stage they are in in their business. We wanted to share the reality, sometimes the not so funny, but mostly the HILARIOUS, fails we have had, or moments we’ve experienced.

We want to connect with other female business owners, entrepreneurs and trend setters to share experiences, tell stories & give practical advice & tips.

We want to encourage and foster a community of likeminded bad ass ladies who feel like they can accomplish anything, but sometimes that imposter syndrom gets in the way.

But most of all, we want to have fun with each other.

In this introductory episode we give a little background into ourselves and we talk about our experiences networking. Some of the amazing moments that took us out of shell, and some of the hilarious pitfalls of people still learning to network professionally.

We are still working on the kinks of running a podcast, so we hope you follow along for the journey! We can only go up from here!

We hope you enjoy it! Please let us know what you think down below!

Follow us on instagram: @shespokecreative
Meredith: @meredithmakeupdesign
Victoria: @ladyhungerhurst

Fangirling: A Full Time Job

Being a fangirl is tough work.  It’s a full time job and one that I’ve been a professional at since I was 13.  Fangirling takes dedication, commitment, obsession and creation.  Fangirling is such a large part of my personality, I wonder how on the day-to-day I function as a normal adult.  Wow! I paid the bills today? Amazing! I thought I had spent the last 8 hours thinking about the fanfiction I am writing!  

I like to think of fangirling as the creative expression to counter passive consumption.  I write fanfiction. I create photoshop works about my fandoms that I am part of.  I create so that I don’t just consume.   In a way, this gives me the feeling that I am in a dialectic  relationship with those who create the piece (or person) I am a fangirl about and myself.  I have more agency here and YES LADIES I AM HERE FOR IT..

 

Fanfiction, as of late, has been such a saving grace to disconnect from the world for a moment.  It gives my brain the reset it needs to live in pure fantasy and to write something for fellow fans that we all enjoy and find pleasure in.  When I think about fanfiction, I think of it’s political significance to the fan community.  Fanfiction is the space in which people are able to express their deepest darkest fantasies, highlight and showcase Queer characters and LGTBQIA relationships that aren’t often portrayed or shown on television.

It is a space of indulgence, of celebration, a safe space to try new creative endeavors, fail and get back and try again.  It is a space of pleasure, delicious, delicious pleasure.

For the last year I have been slowly writing a fanfiction for the Australian TV show Wentworth with my husband.  It has been such a fun and new experience to create something like this with someone else and we’ve been having a BLAST.  We are both FreakyTits shippers, meaning, we want Vera Bennett and Joan Ferguson to get together and just have babies already darn it! Our fanfiction is called Agnust Dei, we felt that Vera’s worship and Joan’s eventual downfall was fitting of such a sacrificial name.   If you’re interested in reading about a dysfunctional relationship that is akin to Power-Over instead of Power-With, you can find it here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/8041387/chapters/18417355

Sometimes I find myself up late at night writing and rewriting scenes of Agnus Dei. At work, photographing a wedding, I’ll hear someone say something, or witness a moment and think “This would be great for my fanfiction.” It’s a full time love affair.

Here is a cute fanvideo AS Larie created that I am obsessed with.  (Fun fact: I learned how to video edit due to making fanvideos like this one!)

 

It’s difficult to just talk about fanfiction when discussing fangirling.  It’s all connected, fan videos, fan graphics, fanfiction, TUMBLR. Honestly, I’m inspired by all of this when I am writing my fanfiction so why not include it all?

 

Here’s my challenge to you all, if you’ve never read a fanfiction, go ahead and read one. Archive of Our Own is my favorite resource to find a multitude of fanfictions.  (or you can always read mine , linked above).  What fandoms are you part of? Let me know below!

Letting Go of Perfectionism: Photography

One of the most valuable lessons I learned last year was the importance of continual creation. As a photographer, I would think that the conditions were not correct & therefore, I’d abandon the project. I was so obsessed with making exactly what I envisioned that I often wouldn’t even attempt because OMG I AM A PERFECTIONIST INFJ PROBLEMS.  I soon came to realize, creating something exactly that I picture in my head is foolish and impossible.  For one, my head has no budget, For two, it’s in my head so there is no limits to the reality around us. What I try to do instead was enter into each creative session with instead an IMAGE I wanted to capture, a FEELING I wanted to create, express, etc.

That’s not to say, I didn’t try to get that image I envisioned, but I didn’t let the inability to capture exactly what I wanted to stop me from creating.

At the end of the day, you’ll fail a lot, but sometimes, you’ll leave a session getting something completely unexpected and totally awesome.

That to me now, has been more important than ever and has allowed me to let go of the limiting emotions behind perfectionism.  When you really think about perfectionism, it is a fear of failure.  If you let go of that, you’re down to create whatever.  Sure it’s scary, everything around is fucking terrifying, but what’s great is you’ll learn what you like to shoot, when you like to shoot and how you like to shoot as an artist that way.  Some of my favorite images are technical failures. But they capture an emotion or express a feeling I am unable to do in words & for me that’s more important than technical perfection.

 

 

My creative outlook for 2017 will be this: shoot a creative/stylized shoot once a month.  One that isn’t about money or publication. One that is about me, my creative voice and aesthetically, what gets my socks off. Create things I like and be comfortable in what I like. For instance, it was suggested to me that I shoot men. I have no interest in shooting men as my main focus. I prefer photographing women. We are much more visually interesting in my opinion, and I love overt femininity. It’s okay to listen to people’s suggestions, but do your own thing. Have courage in your truth.

Finding your “creative voice’ is a continual process, and for me, I am constantly working on figuring out what that means.  I challenge you to create on a regular basis.

 

Branding: The Power of Mood Boards

Everything is about branding now a days. We must brand ourselves on every single aspect of our lives to the point where we become the brand: the brand of self.  This is always an interesting concept for me, as we use social media to market what we are like, we are desperate to find individuals who are authentic in the digital realm.  It’s a struggle. You want to have a great aesthetic, but you also want to be true to yourself.

For instance, when I think about branding myself, I have a hard time, visually.  It’s important for any brand to have a cohesive look a feel to what they’re trying to *sell* whether that be information or a physical product.  For myself, as someone who dwells in the world of cognitive capitalism, photography, lifestyle, consulting, animal activism, eco feminism…(the list goes on and on and on) I have the hardest time with this.  My aesthetic can not be unified for I am not a one track mind kind of girl.  I like to joke and say that i’m 1/2 pink and bubbly & 1/2 dark and moody.  These two aesthetics can not, and will not work together.  (at least, I haven’t found a way to do this yet, if you have any examples of this, let me know below).

So what I chose for @ladyhungerhurst was my pink and bubbly side. I enjoy those images and they allow me to share personal moments with my pals on instagram.  Also–my dark and moody comes from my intense melancholy, which, if we’re friends IRL you know is fucking exhausting. So I made a personal instagram that you can find here at @imthetori

What I found helpful when doing the branding steps for @ladyhungerhurst was to mood board.  I can not stress enough how amazing and awesome mood boards are to get your creative juices flowing.

 

mood board
noun
plural noun: mood boards
  1. an arrangement of images, materials, pieces of text, etc., intended to evoke or project a particular style or concept.
    “we put together a mood board with key images and words that best convey the essence of the brand”

There are all kinds of ways to do these. I have one that hangs in my office that is static for a couple months before changing.  I also have mood boards that remind me of certain people I look up to, sentiments I hold on to, whatever it may be.

For my own personal growth, I find mood boards really therapeutic, especially since I am a photographer I think in still and moving images. Pictures. Visuals. Ya know. Like most of ya out there.

There are no wrong or right ways to mood board.  Everyone has their own techniques, here is some tips and tricks from me, LadyHungerhurst.

I Try To Work Outside the Digital

I like to try and use non digital things as much as possible. This means, i’ll collect pictures/quotes from magazines, pictures, textures, plants, whatever feels right. I like feeling the paper beneath my fingers, hearing the tear, the tactile experience helps me fine tune my visual processes at times.  Also, yay! I get to touch things.

This also means I can bring in plants, and pine cones, things that I find on my hikes in the forest.  Whatever speaks to me and calls out to me to bring me home.

I Can’t Stick to one organizational method

I personally like collage and overlapping images to get my design point across. On a Tuesday, however, I’ll like super clean minimalist mood boards with so much structure it’d make the deconstructed movement quiver in their boots.  My advice is don’t feel like you have to stick to one “layout” of the moodboard forever, either. Make many mood boards with different types of layouts. Step outside your comfort zone and perhaps you’ll find your mood then.

Here are some that inspire me.

I really love the moodboard work of Breanna Rose.  I think she is a great resource and point of inspiration for digital moodboards.

 

Here is a full sized moodboard over at apartment therapy. 

Remember: Honor Your Creative Voice.

It can often be difficult to figure out what should stay and what should go.  I always follow my gut–whatever feels right.  I use moodboards as a way to just put up all my visual clutter, and then over time slowly pull out the things that don’t look right until it feels right. If you honor yourself and your creative voice, you will know when it makes sense to your curatorial spirit.

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Make More Than One

Make a couple mood boards for your design.  Then you can get input from other people and decide what will be the aesthetic inspiration point for your brand, design project, whatever.  I have really good girl and guy friends who I know I can trust their honest feedback.  I know that they have my best interest in heart because they value me as a person and want me to succeed. So anytime I am stuck, I reach out to them and they help guide me in the right direction.

They don’t have to be about design, sometimes they can be about honoring your soul.

I often make mood boards to hone in inspiration, and to have visual shrines around me at all times. Which, I think, just brings in the positive vibes man. (Can You tell I was raised in Los Angeles?). I’ll make mood boards to visualize a memory, to visualize a goal, to visualize the moments and people who are most important to me, so that I can have their guidance, sort to speak. They can be a great way to situate yourself visually this way.

 

Alright enough reading! Go Out and Get your hands dirty!

Remember! If you post your moodboard on instagram, I want to see it! Tag me @ladyhungerhurst in your design & make sure you hashtag #HausofHungerhurst! I’d love to see what you come up with.

 

 

 

 

 

The Plight of Being in Your Upper 20s.

When I was a child, I thought my prime in life would be 25.  25, I thought, would be the time when I would obviously be a millionaire, have a beautiful wolf dog, and probably be able to travel to the moon for breakfast because I wanted to.  We would obviously be in self driving flying cars and a vacay to Saturn would be so common place that I’d be spending my holidays there. I mean who wouldn’t?

I’d be happy. So happy. Life would be limitless.

 

Flash forward to reality.  Today, I’m 27.  Self driving cars are just now a possibility with no actual average consumers utilizing them (Just you google map car, just you, you lucky bastard). Cars don’t fly and the cost of living in the US of A is more expensive than ever & wages haven’t really increased.  Donald Trump is president, and I feel as if I am living in the twilight zone. Global Warming is the biggest threat to our health, environment and national security. But…you know. That’s just a consensus.

I’m not happy and honestly, I am not sure exactly what happiness means.

I think, part of this stage in life I’m going through some sort of mental puberty.  And it reminds me of this excellent quote by the Goddess herself, Kate Bush. #ALLHAILKATEBUSH

This sums up the upper 20 year old condition so much.  We are hitting this mental stage in our life that is akin to the physical torment of our teenager years.  We’re no longer our selfish younger 20s. We realize the impact we have on the world around us, how every little action or inaction matters and mostly, how utterly boring life is.

Let’s reflect for a moment at the quintessential song that sums up the teenage existence:

Load up on guns
Bring your friends
It’s fun to lose and to pretend
She’s overboard, self assured
Oh no I know, a dirty word
Hello, hello, hello, how low
Hello, hello, hello
With the lights out, it’s less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto, an Albino
A mosquito, my libido, yeah
If this could be rewritten to explain what Kurt Cobain did not experience, I wonder what it would sound like? Would it be akin to
My dreams have died
I smile and pretend
that everything will be
right in the end
I’m faking it
to make it
because really Mom & dad weren’t that bad
With the lights out
I’ll be sleeping
and not dreaming cuz I’m creepin
And I’m weeping
Cuz Sally got married
According to Facebook.
FUCK. FUCK FUCK DIS SHIT.
There is this strange thing happening in 2016 if you’re in your upper 20s. Chances are you’re saddled with student loan debt beyond imagine. You’ve resigned your life away to paying back said debt until you’re at least 50.  You have the desire to have deep mind buzzing conversations, but are surrounded by individuals who still really, really, really, like to get fucked up.
And don’t get me wrong, sometimes, I too still like to get really, really, really fucked up. But that feeling is starting to dwindle.
I can’t reiterate this enough, from 25 on up, sucks, emotionally, mentally.
You’re still trying to figure out our purpose in life, and often, mistake that for a career or job, or something shallow that you’ve come to realize now gives no meaning.   And while you’d like to be the bohemian your soul craves, you’re coming to accept, begrudgingly, that you’re going to have to be a little bit of a capitalistic slut in order to have your cake and eat it too. (I mean, look at my ass it’s fabulous, don’t you want a piece of it?).
There is a lot of emotions and changing of thought processes that happen during this time.  Every year I feel closer to something, something that is unknowable, and can not be named. I’m not sure what that is, but it’s  a destination that keeps moving backwards as I get closer.  Sometimes, I crash into that destination so suddenly and so briefly, that I wonder if I was ever there? I felt like I was, but now I’m back at sea again, cursing Poseidon, longing to be held in his arms, cradled like a child, and yet, want nothing to do with him.  Because really, fuck him.
It’s this duality, continuous back and for that exhausts me. I’m still trying damn it, still trying to figure out so much and so incredibly impatient with this process that makes me feel lost, jumbled, and a child with adult responsibilities.
While all this emotional hurdles and mental anguish is happening within, I am still having some of the best times (so far) in my life. Isn’t that beautiful? It makes me wonder, perhaps I can not have beautiful moments without continuous self doubt, criticism, loathing and hatred.  Perhaps, life is a mixture of both and sometimes they are both simultaneously.
Who fucking knows though, really. I’ll look back at this post when I’m 40 and think: How self absorb was I. Or maybe, I’ll be kinder to myself and realize I needed to be where I needed to be.
How’s your upper 20s treating or treated you?

This is Lady Hungerhurst

welcome

I’ve been trying to start a personal blog for awhile now as this used to be something I did a lot when I was younger, cataloguing my thoughts, feelings and day to day actions of my more youthful self.  I enjoyed doing it so much, but somehow along the way, I stopped doing it.

So I’m back at it again.

With that being said I want to introduce you to this blog, Lady Hungerhurst. It will be a collection of personal posts, DIY tutorials for home nesters and photography tutorials.  I hope you’ll find something useful here and we can learn a thing or two about each other.

Here are a couple of posts I am planning:

  1. Christmas Cocktail Recipes
  2. Shibori Dye techniques
  3. Wreath Tutorials
  4. Lightroom Presets
  5. Photography Tutorials
  6. Hiking Trail Reviews
  7. Travel Pics!
  8. Personal/Emotional/Angst Posts (expect may of these lol)
  9. And much much more! MWAHAHA.

I hope to use this blog as a way to unleash my creativity, share it with the world and connect with new individuals.

Here is to a great rest of the year and an amazing 2017.

signoff