I walked around for hours today and trekked a distance. I found myself at a fort on the outskirts of Kinsale. The physical barriers and beautiful vantage of the sea reminded me, oodly, of relationships, friendships, ones that come and go.
I began to grieve for those who were in my life and who are no longer present. I’m not talking about death. I’m talking about relationships that no longer feel right.
I’ve been used by many women, so called friends, in my life. And when I no longer have nothing else to offer, I was discarded on the wayside. Isn’t that interesting? How these friendships mirror exactly how adults had treated me in the past, using me for information and then leaving me on the wayside when I no longer was valuable to them. I don’t have to name names, but if the shoe fits.
You best believe, I’ve kept the damn receipts.
Libra remembers everything.
Every step I took today sent me down memory lane, another memory flooding my mind until I no longer was in this time. Things said and feelings of unease and discomfort. I rarely stuck up for myself. I Let these people use me.
I was a maid of honor for one friend who no longer talks to me, and honestly it all boiled down to the fact that she never cared for me in the first place. That was a beautiful realization. I let it go, I let her go.
I’m incredibly giving, kind, full of love, really a great time, and I have no room in my life for people who want to take advantage of that or use me only when it is convienent. That’s not human connection. I am rising higher.
My feet are sore and my butt is tight. I’ll write more tomorrow. This is as far as my brain can go today.