Could it be possible to be this miserable to be on a solo trip? I wonder if my mood will continue to go down south or if today will prove to be an extraordinary adventure.

Perhaps this is what travel blogs do not tell you, the reality and how terrible it actually is to travel alone. I should have brought gloves my fingers are cold.

I booked myself at a hostel thinking that there would be a plethora of fellow travelers who want to expand their friend group. What i found was that there were a town of travelers, do not get me wrong, but they all seem to be engaged in their own group that came along with them. They have no willingness to add to it—that I can accept.

It is strange though, when I am with a group I feel like we pick up “strays” all the time. “Come join us!” Tends to be our motto. Maybe it is my resting bitch face, or maybe, it is how this particular hostel is set up. I’ve heard it is more commercialized, and I see that, it doesn’t seem to encourage, particularly, group activities or has centers really where individuals can meet together.

I guess I could go on the pub crawl.

I’ve been so nauseous on this trip, I couldn’t imagine adding more to that.

I booked myself a private airbnb starting Wednesday. Thanks God. If I am going to be alone, I would like to be in the solitude of my own space. Match my surroundings to my mood.

I know i probably sound ungrateful, but I really don’t care. I spend too much of my time and life glossing everything over in a positive framework. To make everything seem okay.

Spending this much time alone in the city was a mistake. I know all of this will change once I’m in the countryside. I don’t mind road tripping alone, and i love the country. .

Cities make me so damn uncomfortable. All the people, cars, I get lost starring at graffiti and so disgusted by all the spitting and trash everywhere.

Hey, at least now i can stop romanticizing solo traveling. *silver lining* And that is a learning lesson for sure. Everything is better in life with your best friend and lover by your side.

I honestly know so little about myself (INFJ problems) this is probably a good experience. Healing. At least that is what my girlfriend tells me and she’s one of the most intuitive and interesting people I know. So, I am going to go with her words of advice.

Today I am going to try and head out to Howth. It’s a little seaside town on the outskirts of Dublin. It should take like an hour to get there by train/bus (not sure, have to google it again). I think getting out of the city and just using this space as a hub will be good for me. Actually I don’t know what will be good for me, so I am going to go try it. Plus I got this pass card that I can use unlimited for 72 hours so I probably should take advantage of that.

Alright, enough bitching for now. More later.